The world shall perish not for lack of wonders, but for lack of wonder. — J.B.S. Haldane
Seeing cadavers doesn’t freak me out any more.
(I <3 brains).
“how did this make you feel? Emapthy is an important quality to possess.”
I can’t stand talking about this. I rarely ever write about it. But when I was shadowing an internal medicine doctor, there was a relatively young patient with the same condition. The endless pain, the realization that there’s nothing to make it better. The same thing my mom has. Lying in a hospital bed all day and not even wanting to get out. I couldn’t breathe at first, then I started crying; I don’t think any of the doctors noticed.
And after I get over the agony of seeing my mom become that woman in the hospital bed, I start thinking that it’s probably going to happen to me. I might be even younger when it sets in. It’s selfish to think about myself in this situation, but I can’t help it.
So don’t fucking tell me anything about “emapthy”, bitch. I have more empathy than you ever will.
I honestly don’t know what I would be doing right now if it weren’t for this summer program because I don’t remember the last time I had a real summer vacation. But I do know that it makes me happy. When I have long breaks from school, my mind starts to wander. Completely uncontrolled. And it always seems to end up in dark, lonely places. Panic attacks, night terrors, days of walking around my house like a zombie - that’s what happens when my life isn’t revolving around school. When I get back into classes, I’m too busy to think those kinds of thoughts.
But I do
kind of really miss my creativity time. Over the last few years, I have completely lost my ability to imagine. I think it all stems from no longer having time to read avidly. I hope having an account on here will help.